It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
