The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
