I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
