The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
