just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I understand Curling. That high.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
