butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think I just shit out all my problems.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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