What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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