Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
