got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
