I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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