I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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