I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
