Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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