So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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