Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Holy sore nipples Batman
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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