I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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