Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
