just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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