I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
