You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
