I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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