I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
