she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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