After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
