I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
