In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
