my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My ass is underappreciated
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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