He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
