Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
