i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
