That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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