Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
