I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
