Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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