I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
