I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
