I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
