last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
