Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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