He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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