Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
