she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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