This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
