saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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