i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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