how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
