are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
