Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You took a bar mat shot.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
