our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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