Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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