Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
