Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
