I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
