Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
