im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
