Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
