so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
