My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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