I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
