it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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