I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
